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A mantra for 2020 - The Alchemy of Approval – radical self-love

Happy New Year!

My mantra for 2020 is the Alchemy of Approval, a potent practice of radical unconditional self-love. Simply put, it’s a way of using self-awareness to celebrate, appreciate and approve of one’s self, all the parts and personas.

Self-awareness is not the same as constant vigilance, searching out faults and inadequacies to correct. Nothing grows well in criticism and judgement. Shame is toxic to our psyches. There’s a vast difference between the soul impulse to excel and fulfill our value versus a perform-achieve drive to prove worth and justify value. It’s the difference between the life impulse to grow and flourish versus a never-ending pressure to overcome not-good-enough.

I discovered the alchemy of approval practice through Kasia Urbaniak. My first exercise with this practice was to bring loving approval to all the places and parts holding a feeling of shame, to find my shame adorable and endearing. At first I couldn’t wrap my head around this practice. Finding the shame adorable was so radically different from anything I’ve done before. I could see bringing love and compassion to the shame, but finding it adorable? It didn’t seem possible. But I did it, and was witnessed in a safe group of other women doing the same.

What I discovered is how rapidly shame was neutralized in this alchemy of approval. In the same way our inner Beings regard our humanity, my every part was embraced with loving compassion, all my humanity and human experience held as precious, adorable and endearing.

The more I was witnessed in this practice and the more loving approval I gave myself, the quicker the shame alchemized. It literally dissolved in minutes or hours. Within a few days of practicing this loving approval and finding my shame adorable and endearing, deeply buried shame from some experiences and traumas during my late teens and early 20’s also dissolved. I saw those experiences and traumas in an entirely new light, with the understanding of my soul.

Could this alchemy of approval really dissolve that old buried shame? And so quickly and painlessly? For the first few weeks, I kept checking in, looking for the shame, feeling for it in my psyche, but it was gone. Completely alchemized into understanding and love.

Now it’s quite easy to find any cringing shamed parts and places adorable. As soon as I do, I can feel the alchemy at work. I’ve come to see that inside all these “unacceptable” shadow parts is a beautiful pure-hearted desire and intention, which is completely endearing and adorable!

This alchemy of approval gives my sense of identity a fluidity and spaciousness that is absolutely delicious. Freed from the toxicity of shame, which serves no positive purpose whatsoever, I can love all my parts.

I’ve even developed an advanced 2-way awareness exercise to amplify this alchemy of approval. The practice is to first bring loving compassion and appreciation for all your human experience, a deep allowing embrace of everything. See how adorable you are in all your humanity, finding all aspects and expressions of your human identity adorable and endearing. Basically, you adopt your inner Being’s attitude and regard for your human identity. Once you connect and establish that in your awareness, then you add in the feeling of being found adorable and endearing by your inner Being. You feel yourself held as adorable and endearing in all your humanity.

I made a guided recording of this practice if you’d like to try it out, just email me.

I wish you radical self-love for 2020. It’s the most potent emotional alchemy ever!

Love and blessings,



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