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The Alchemy of Belonging: Healing Conditionality

Our need to belong and connect is primal. It’s hard-wired into us.

Most everyone I know, or have met, has programmed conditions around belonging and connection. I call these constructs of conditionality – ways we have to look, or be, or behave in order to be loved, accepted, approved of, in order to belong. If we don’t meet these conditions, we won’t belong, and we’ll lose love and connection. The net effect is to make it feel unsafe to authentically be who we are and to freely express our uniqueness.

These constructs of conditionality get wired into our fundamental survival mechanisms early on. We can’t survive as infants and young children without belonging to other humans. Our survival, both physically and emotionally, depends on connection. Whatever threatens loss of connection is perceived as life-threatening.

In the attunement process I share, the usual way I see these constructs of conditionality addressed is to 1) bring loving acknowledgment to them, 2) challenge the lies they’re based on, and 3) connect to the truth that there are no conditions on your intrinsic lovability. There are no conditions on the absolute worth of your essential Beingness. When we attune our awareness to the direct feeling-knowing experience of our unconditional, intrinsic value, worth and lovability, the constructs dissolve. Even so, the need to belong and connect never goes away.

I discovered a profoundly transformative process in a recent soul attunement session, where our primal need to belong and be connected led us to directly experience the truth that we are not, and can never be, separate. We can’t not-belong to life.

When we love and appreciate the need to belong and be connected, and find it completely endearing and adorable, a magical alchemy occurs.

We begin to feel and know that we are not, and can never be separate, that we belong to life, belong here on planet Earth. The conditional constructs simply evaporate.

Focusing in this way brought us into the direct feeling-knowing experience that we exist in a collective field of Beingness, both in physical and non-physical reality. We entered communion in the field of Being. The feeling of love, belonging and connectedness was undeniable. We were in a state of mystic attunement to the fundamental truth of reality - we can never be separate or disconnected from all of Existence. We can’t not belong.

I saw how we all exist in a co-creative, symbiotic quantum field of life, in a constant interchange of quantum particles, atoms and molecules with all the rest of Existence. Every breath is an exchange with the atmosphere. Our bodies are made of Earth stuff. The atoms forming the molecules in your food soon belong to the living tissue of your body. Everything living in and on the planet exists in vast symbiotic web of life. We’re all connected. We each belong. Beyond the ways this truth manifests in physical reality is the unified field of inner reality, where all consciousness exists in a collective, infinite field of Beingness.

The experience was beyond thought or concept. It was a direct realization. This is the alchemy generated by loving and approving of the need to belong and be connected. It turned our awareness back in on itself to the pure desire behind it - to know and experience the truth of our oneness with all of Existence.

Although our thoughts, beliefs and emotions can produce an experience of separation and disconnect, it’s ultimately false, a misperception.

Love and blessings,


PS: I’ve recorded a meditation practice on this alchemy of belonging. If you’d like to try it out, shoot me an email and I’ll send it to you. It’s another expression of my mantra for 2020, the alchemy of approval. (see the previous blog post here)


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